The Pre-Semester Email Purge...and other shit...

I feel, lost, a lot. I spent the better part of a decade without medication for my diagnosed case of "Severe Depression" otherwise known as Major Depressive Disorder. One of the side effects of letting this disorder run rampant is it pretty much starts to erode brain functionality, most importantly memory. Memory is important to me, possibly more than most, because I can relive those moments with absolute clarity, the smells, the sounds, all of my senses are back with me in the moment of memory.

Since getting my meds adjusted as needed and staying on them regularly some memories have returned. But like anything in life nothing works the way you want, and what has been happening is that my long term storage is finally coming back online slowly, while my short term storage is suffering from power draws due to the long term coming back online, so I am getting the long term back, but my short term is mostly useless right now.

This is one of the reasons why I never wanted to attempt to work, even part time, and go to school, because my memory is in such a state of flux that I don't want to risk losing important data.

But now I am pushing myself to do just that.

I work in a call-center, 40+ hours a week, 10.5 an hour, 15.75 ot, and love/hate it, but the pay is damn good for sitting on my ass all day.

A couple weeks ago I realized I have quite a bit of downtime in small spurts and told myself to lug my backpack to work, and instead of drawing or coloring, or designing Sudoku puzzles for the rest of the employees to enjoy, I need to do my homework. Suddenly it seemed way less stressful. So I have a plan and I will see it through.

So, tonight I purged.

I have a habit of skimming my email, reading the important ones, and just leaving the unread ones to digitally molder. This is not conducive to good conduct during the semesters because shit gets lost, so I did my purge, and already I feel just a little bit more prepared.

There were over 4000 emails in just the promotions tab, like for fuck sake. All gone now, save the read/important ones in my main inbox.

In the time since I last posted, I have left the church, willingly and with a heavy heart, because the old white patriarchal men running the church have lost their way, and I refused to be led by them like a sheep to slaughter.

I have embraced my true gender and sexuality, I am mostly male presenting (I paint my nails), Pansexual, Pangender. Also a Unicorn.

My wife and I reached a point where we finally dissected what my relationship hang ups were, and realized that I was Polyamorous the entire time, but I was letting societal bullshit tamp it down. Also realized my father probably was too, because some of his behaviors seem indicative of someone who is capable and willing to love multiple partners.

Oh yeah, and I am starting my final year, ever, at IUSB as I finish up my Masters in Creative Writing.

I started this path late in the game, but I still feel accomplished getting my masters at 32, sure it could have been in my twenties, but then all of the things that shaped me in the interim wouldn't have happened, and I kind of like who I am now...most days anyway. :P

Cheers,

Chris

(Hopefully I will turn this blogging thing into a habit)